fashionable new year

January 4th, 2004 § 0 comments

for new year, we traveled to the fashion capital of the world, Milan, to report on what’s hot this year:

(the outdoor celebration spanned three plazas, each hosting a diversely themed concert, and the interconnecting network of streets housed all sorts of fan fare.)

in the plazas, we encountered bomb shelling. or so we thought initially. evidently, it is IN to throw firecrackers into crowds of people and to aim projectile fireworks at the same crowd shortly thereafter. (this way, they are sufficiently shocked from the first explosion that if you aim right, they’ll be too disoriented to have any chance of avoiding impact.)

for the more sophisticated, it’s also IN to place firecrackers into beer bottles and throw the bottles as this causes more damage from the ejected shards of glass. no worries, ambulances are near by and will take the victim to fashionable hospitals.

when you are done drinking champagne, of which the cheap variety only costs 5 euros at your nearest peddler in the square, break this bottle too, especially if you have just downed it because the clock reads 12:01 am.

remember, though these activities are fashionable in and of themselves, it is possible to perform them with more or less style. your neighbors will notice; but they will not tell the police.

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