fashionable new year

January 4th, 2004 § 0 comments § permalink

for new year, we traveled to the fashion capital of the world, Milan, to report on what’s hot this year:

(the outdoor celebration spanned three plazas, each hosting a diversely themed concert, and the interconnecting network of streets housed all sorts of fan fare.)

in the plazas, we encountered bomb shelling. or so we thought initially. evidently, it is IN to throw firecrackers into crowds of people and to aim projectile fireworks at the same crowd shortly thereafter. (this way, they are sufficiently shocked from the first explosion that if you aim right, they’ll be too disoriented to have any chance of avoiding impact.)

for the more sophisticated, it’s also IN to place firecrackers into beer bottles and throw the bottles as this causes more damage from the ejected shards of glass. no worries, ambulances are near by and will take the victim to fashionable hospitals.

when you are done drinking champagne, of which the cheap variety only costs 5 euros at your nearest peddler in the square, break this bottle too, especially if you have just downed it because the clock reads 12:01 am.

remember, though these activities are fashionable in and of themselves, it is possible to perform them with more or less style. your neighbors will notice; but they will not tell the police.

Business minded

January 3rd, 2004 § 0 comments § permalink

immigrants in europe, and there are a lot of them, are extremely business minded, cashing in minor legal inconveniences for profit.

    1. in barcelona liquor stores close at 10pm and beer at the bar is more than 3 euros; no worries, beer is delivered to you on the street for 1 euro a can (less if you bargain for it.)

    2. in the milan train terminal one has to pay .80 euro for a wee (that’s more than a dollar in us currency), but the 10 immigrants who have rigged the charging gate can get you in for .20. if you don’t pay the 12 year old who makes the kind offer, the angered rest will kick the door of your stall down.

occasionally the police make a raid; everybody denies everything; and the sun still rises.